A veces estamos tan desesperados por recibir amor que aceptamos sucedáneos. Bajamos el listón y fingimos que lo que nos dan es lo que queremos, que nos basta con poco, que no necesitamos más. Y por dentro, nos desvanecemos a cada minuto que pasa. Miramos al suelo en lugar de levantar la vista porque tememos encontrarnos con alguna mirada que nos cale y se dé cuenta de que estamos viviendo un amor a medias, porque soportamos a duras penas arrastrarlo pero somos incapaces de decirlo en voz alta.
Nos han educado para huir de la soledad, para avergonzarnos de estar solos, como si tuviéramos que demostrar ante los demás que estamos siempre con alguien, que alguien nos ama… Que somos dignos de amor.
Y la amenaza de una soledad rotunda nos obliga a veces (o eso creemos) a aceptar situaciones que nos vacían tanto por dentro que notamos el hueco… Estamos tan solos a veces estando acompañados… Ese es el peor tipo de soledad, la que lleva lastre, te hace sentir cóncavo y aislado. No porque tengas a tu lado a alguien que no te llena, si no porque has bajado tanto tus expectativas que no te reconoces, porque has acotado tanto tus sueños que parecen los de otros, porque son los de otros y no llevan tu nombre ni huelen como huelen tus sueños…
Nos han educado para pensar que si nadie nos ama no valemos nada… Y para evitar ese horror, dejamos que nos amen a medias, que nos amen a ratos, a ráfagas, con prisas… Como si tuviéramos que exhibirnos para ser dignos, como si recibir besos vacíos e inacabados nos hiciera mejores… Como si fuéramos pedazos de carne a la venta.
Nos castigamos y modificamos para atraer a otros. Somos un cebo, una sombra de nosotros mismos esperando que alguien nos dedique una mirada dulce… Cuando en realidad, la única mirada dulce que nos hace falta para empezar a salir de ese dolor autoimpuesto es la nuestra…
Buscamos migas de amor porque tal vez no creemos merecer más y por eso encontramos amores huecos. Amores sin raíces pero con grandes hojas, amores que vuelan pero que nunca caminan a nuestro lado, amores que deslumbran tanto que no nos dejan ver que en realidad llevan un disfraz. Eso no es amor, es un parche, una forma de salir corriendo esperando encontrar un lugar donde sosegarse y descubrirse a uno mismo.
Y el amor es más que eso. Sin más dependencia que la pura necesidad de amar a esa persona y saber que nota tu amor y que ese amor la hace feliz. Amar nunca es limitarse, ni comprimirse, ni rebajarse… Es expandirse, aumentar de tamaño y llegar a pensar que puedes flotar.
No es arrastrarse, es notar que vuelas aunque sea por dentro, ante el sonido de una voz sinuosa o el tacto dulce de una mano tibia.
Amar no es llorar, es reír. No es decir ni que sí ni que no, es escuchar y poderse explicar.
Se ama con palabras y con silencios… Se ama con besos y con miradas.
No es ir detrás ni delante, es estar a su lado.
Se ama con el pensamiento…
El amor no doblega, ni achica, ni regaña, ni encierra, ni mantiene pegado al teléfono esperando una llamada o un emoticono artificial.
El amor acorta distancias.
El amor no te amarra, te suelta. No te pregunta qué haces, te pregunta qué sueñas… No te encuentra, te busca… No te habita, te ronda.
Se ama sin riendas, ni ataduras… Se ama de oído y casi sin normas.
Se empieza a amar amándonos sin peros ni culpas.
El amor es, a veces, un silencio y otras un grito, pero siempre, hay un momento en el que estalla…
Y no caben en ese amor todas las formas de amar pequeñas, reducidas, estancadas… Todas esas formas de amar que no curan, que no calman, que desesperan…. Que atan, que amargan, que caducan en dos días, que se adulteran…
El amor siempre es el antídoto, no la enfermedad… Es la causa, no la consecuencia. Es la fuerza necesaria para seguir andando, no es el camino… No es la pócima mágica que hará que nos amemos a nosotros mismos, sino el bálsamo que llegará a nosotros cuando hayamos aprendido a amarnos…
El amor es demasiado grande como para encerrarlo, enjaularlo, someterlo y vivirlo por etapas a tropiezos. No acepta parches ni remiendos. No tolera verdades a medias ni cambios de baraja.
El amor no se entiende, se vive. No se descifra, se surca. No es una batalla, es una fiesta. No es la solución, es la ilusión que te da energía para encontrarla…
El amor no es el remedio para la soledad, todo lo contrario… Es la soledad bien aprendida que nos educa para saber reconocer el amor de verdad cuando llega. Porque cuando aprendes a estar solo contigo mismo, es cuando dejas de correr el riesgo de estar mal acompañado…
Un text fantàstic Mercè!!!! T’enganxa pels quatre costats… m’ha encantat!!
Me n’alegro molt!! gràcies per les teves paraules! una abraçada 🙂
Reblogueó esto en Lola Cebolla.
Reblogueó esto en Verdades que ofenden...
Reblogueó esto en Los escritos de GatoFenix: su vida.y comentado:
Inicio esta entrada con unas palabras de agradecimiento a su autora.
Hoy o mañana o un día de estos quería pasar al papel y luego a esta cosa virtual, unas palabras sobre el tema.
Destaco os tres renglones del final, que son para enmarcar y tenerlos siempre a la vista.
Muchas gracias por tus palabras 🙂 un abrazo!
MUY BUENO!!!!!
Muy bueno!!!!
Muchas gracias 🙂
Não domino a língua, mas esse foi um dos textos mais lindos que tive o prazer de ler por aqui. Muito obrigado! De coração.
Marcelo Tiba.
Muchas gracias! también de corazón 🙂
Hermosa entrada.
Una enseñanza en cada párrafo.
muchas gracias 🙂 un abrazo!
Esta postal la voy a guardar en el corazón para poder re-cordarla. Gracias!! <3
Reblogueó esto en Centro de Servicios Psicológicos María Jiménezy comentado:
No es posible expresarlo con más claridad. Cuántos de nosotros vemos reflejados en estas palabras nuestras experiencias de amores conformistas, vacíos, a medias…
Gracias, Merce.
Mil gracias por tus palabras! si no nos amamos a nosotros mismos, siempre nos conformamos con migajas… Un abrazo 🙂
Reblogueó esto en Eme Lechuga ©.
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